Monday, November 26, 2007

Pimps Don't Pay

A few years ago my friends and I had just started hanging out with this group of girls, and hitting the same bar every Fri/Sat night was the norm.  We’d all meet up, get housed, hit on chicks, and then go home.  One of the girls had a little thing for me, and although she wasn’t good looking by any means, my buddy talked me into going home with her in a moment of weakness.

It was late in the night and my friend and I had been talking about me hooking up with this chick.  I said it wasn’t going to happen because not only was she ugly, but nobody even liked her because she was such a bitch.  She had been hitting on me all night and my friend said he’d give me $25 to go home with her.  Let’s just say she wasn’t a $25 kind of girl, and I let him know it.  It was going to take more than that.  He eventually upped it to $50 and I jumped on it (c’mon, I probably would have done the deed with her at some point anyway).  Five minutes later I was on my way to her place.

When we got to her place and jumped in the sack it was every bit as nasty as I imagined, and I had to act quick before I sobered up. This girl had huge tits, and they seemed to flow right into her big belly.  I made her turn the light off because frankly I didn’t want to see what I was about to do.

Moving along without the nasty details…the next morning I was all excited to talk to my friend and let him know he owed me $50.  We made plans to head back out to the bars that night and I figured I’d get my money then.  I already had the money spent…I was going to have Corona’s all night, a few shots of Rumpleminze, and maybe even buy my buddy a drink for his “cut”.

We met up that night, and of course the first words out of my mouth were “where’s my money?”  He really pissed me off at this point, because he said he wasn’t paying me for anything.  I felt disgusted with myself all day, and now I wasn’t even going to get paid for it?  He pimped me out, and what he said next was both hilarious and infuriating:

Pimps Don’t Pay!

Cheap bastard.  That’ll teach me to deal with him anymore.  His nickname ever since has been “the dirty pimp”.

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