Wednesday, December 12, 2007

A Good Reason to NEVER Forget the Sniff Test

Quick story about this chick I hooked up with a couple years ago.  After my buddy Captain Chaos introduced the two of us, I unfortunately hooked up with her on a few occasions, usually after drinking about a case of beer, because I really needed it with this chick.  Not only was she ugly as hell, but her voice was so annoying it was like Fran Drescher with a sinus infection.  She was the type of girl you have to get in there, get some, and get the hell out as quickly as possible.

One night I was hanging with the Captain, and decided to wander across the street to this girls place.  I banged on her door at about 2am until she answered in her nightie with no panties, she let me in, and then I followed her into her bedroom.  She stopped by the foot of her bed and started to say something, but I just gave her a gentle push onto the bed.  Her legs were hanging off the bed and in the heat of the moment I dove my face right in.  After about half a second and half a lick I thought I was going to vomit.  This was the worst smell I have ever smelled.  I stood up, said “that’s all folks” and walked out the door, back to Captain Chaos’ place.

He asked me what the hell happened and I told him I forgot to do the sniff test.  When he asked me how bad the smell was, I just replied “have you ever smelled lindberger cheese?” and then puked on his lawn.

On that day I made a vow: No matter how drunk I am, no matter what a girl looks like, I WILL NEVER, EVER, GO DOWN ON ANOTHER GIRL WITHOUT PERFORMING THE SNIFF TEST FIRST.

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