Sunday, December 9, 2007

Breaking in the Parent's Bed

I celebrated Christmas last year with my family in New York. I wanted to get together with my ex-girlfriend since I don’t see her that much these days, so I took a trip to my hometown for one night.

I ended up going out to the bars with a couple of friends and had a few drinks. I called the ex around 1am when I left the bars and she gave me directions to her mother’s house which was in the middle of nowhere. Her directions were something like “just go down this road and about 5 miles down you’ll see a driveway with a telephone pole next to it”. That really narrowed it down for me. Her cell phone wasn’t working right so I was on my own to find this place. After driving back and forth for about a half hour I had to take a leak, so I pulled into a bank parking lot down the road. This bank was in the middle of nowhere as well, so I just pissed in the middle of the lot without worrying about anyone seeing me.

Just as I zipped up a truck pulled into the lot behind my car and I saw a badge. “Oh shit, was this really happening?” I wondered as I was trying to figure out how I was going to avoid a DUI. The cop was about 75 years old so I thought about just running, but since I had my brother’s car I knew that wasn’t an option. The cop started asking me what I was doing, where I was going, why I was there with out of state tags, etc. I told him I was trying to get to a friend’s house and he asked who, so I told him. He took my license and went back to his truck.

After about 10 minutes he came back out of his truck and handed me my license back. Turns out he knew the girls mother so he gave me directions on where the driveway was located. I drove there and my ex was waiting outside for me. She jumped in my car and said we couldn’t stay at her house because the cops called her mom’s phone and she was pissed. My parents were still in NY so I brought her to their house which we would have to ourselves.

She was drinking some sort of bottled cosmopolitan, and when we got to the house she threw it in the trash. We headed upstairs and got down and dirty in my parents bed. I brought her back the next morning and headed back to NY for Christmas.

After the holiday when I was back home in VA my mom called me. She had just got home herself and asked me “who drinks cosmopolitans?” I wasn’t thinking and just blurted out my ex’s name. OK, so now she knew we were in the house. Big deal, right? Normally no, but my mom’s next statement was pretty embarrassing. “Oh, that explains why my bed was a mess when I got home”. Holy shit, what the hell can you say to something like that?

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