Sunday, January 6, 2008

Jaegermeister Doesn't Always Go Down

I used to drink a lot of Jaegermeister…a LOT of it.  Jaeger and Red Bull (Cock Block or Jaeger Bomb, depending what bar you’re in), Jaeger/Goldschlager mixed (Starry Night), Jaeger straight up, you name it.  There were days where I’ve single-handedly put down in excess of 25 shots in one bar.  I used to love it, then something happened.  All of a sudden I couldn’t stomach it like I used to, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t try.

One day in the bar I used to own a patron bought a round of shots and gave me one.  He was wearing a brand new sweater…a light colored cashmere sweater that he just plunked some good cash on.  We all toasted and I threw the shot back.  I’m not sure what happened, but for some reason my body said NO and let out sort of a cough, and all the Jaeger that was in my mouth sprayed out all over this guys new sweater.  He was mad as hell because he thought I did it on purpose, and never came back to my bar.

Another time about a year ago I was in a bar in the town I grew up in.  It was the holidays and a few of my friends and I went out to catch up.  Some random guy introduced himself to us and he was pretty annoying.  One of those guys that talks really loud, interrupts everyone, etc.  Something was weird about him because he was with two girls and claimed one was his wife.  He was trying to hook me up with the other girl and I think he was a swinger looking to set up a little group action.  After a few drinks and shots the girl started to look better, so my plan of ignoring them turned to a plan of divide and conquer.  I was going to separate the girl from the other “husband and wife” and hook up with her.

Things were going pretty well, and the friends I was with were leaving one by one so it was time to seal the deal.  The girl and I were going to hit another bar across the street so I cashed out my tab.  The two girls were sitting at the bar and I was behind them, reaching over them to hand my credit card to the bartender.  The girls were both wearing white shirts too.  I left the bartender a fat tip, something like $100 on a $75 tab.  When he realized it, he said thank you and gave us a round of shots (the husband/wife, the other girl, and myself).  He didn’t ask what I wanted, he just gave me Jaeger for everyone.  I took mine, and just like the previous incident, my body said no and I coughed.  My mouth full of dark Jaegermeister sprayed all over the backs of the two girls, and since they both had white shirts on, it made quite a mess.  One of them didn’t even notice at first, but the other one turned around, looked at the back of her arm and started going off on me.  She was so pissed, and of course the other girl figured out what was going on so she got pissed too.  I said “have a good night” and walked out the door.

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