Saturday, February 2, 2008

Things You Should Find Out Sooner When Sleeping with Someone

A few years ago I had the “summer of love”. I had a pretty good run at girls that summer, and one in particular sticks out.

A girl I worked with was always a little quiet. She seemed pretty cool and I could tell she had a wild side, so I asked her out one night. I had a few drinks at my place and she said she didn’t drink. She wanted to go for a walk, so we left out the back door and started across the parking lot. She told me to hold on a second because she had to piss. I thought she was kidding at first, but we were no more than 50 feet from my back door, and all of a sudden she drops her pants, squats, and pisses in the parking lot, right next to a dumpster. Quite the lady I must say. Pretending like it was nothing, we continued on our walk which lasted a few hours.

We eventually got back to my place and ended up in bed. We started going at it almost immediately, and then she dropped a bomb on me: she was pregnant. By instinct I immediately said “it can’t be mine”. “No shit dumbass, we haven’t even slept together yet” she replied. She told me she recently got out of rehab for drugs, and she got pregnant when she was in there. She went on to tell me that the guy she slept with was the same guy who was in the news at the time for raping some girl a few months earlier. Cue the condom.

I ended up having sex with her and couldn’t help but imagine a fetus dodging my shit with every stroke. Kind of disturbing, but hell, I’ve done a lot of disturbing things…why stop with pregnant chicks?

The funny thing about this girl was that not only would she be my first (only) pregnant chick, but she invited me to go out on her dad’s boat. I went out, hesitant to meet the family so soon, but figured I could have a good time anyway. As soon as I stepped onto the boat I realized her dad looked familiar. I’m thinking of the girls last name, and then trying to place her dad’s face with the same last name…”Holy shit!”  Her dad was the mayor of the city.

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