I’ve been to Montreal more times than I can count. A lot of those trips ended up in me staggering down Ste. Catherine Street looking for hookers on the way back to the hotel. I was up there with about 7 friends one night and at the end of a very long night filled with titty bars, I found myself alone on the street. Not sure what made me decide to venture out on my own at 3am away from my buddies, but it turned into a hooker hunt when I rounded one corner.
Sometimes prostitutes aren’t so obvious, other times you can pick ‘em out from a mile away. This was a case of the latter. Two girls, each with mini skirts, standing against a building smoking cigarettes and smiling at everyone that walked by. I stopped to make some smalltalk and the conversation quickly turned to price. I don’t remember how much each one said they cost, but being the bargain hunter I am, I negotiated a two-for-one deal. I think they were happy to have any business, because one was a little chubby and the other looked like she was about 50.
We took off, me in the middle and a girl on each arm, and waltzed right into the lobby of my hotel. It was late at night so there weren’t a lot of guests in the lobby, but boy did the staff look at me funny. It was a decent hotel and here is some 20-something drunk guy walking in with a couple of hookers. We made it to my room and “oh shit, my friends are already back”. We all crammed into one room with two beds, so you can imagine the lack of space.
A couple of them were already in bed sleeping, so when they awoke to find me needing their bed they were not exactly happy. My one friend refused to get off the bed, so there wasn’t enough room for all of us. Being in the Christmas spirit that night, I “gave” one of the girls (the chubby one) to another friend. I didn’t really need two for myself, I was just being greedy. The only option I had was to bring her into the bathroom and lock the door, because I knew someone was going to try and snap a picture or something. My friend who was with the other girl shut the lights off and laid down with her outside the bathroom door which was also around the corner from everyone else.
The entire time I was in the bathroom with my girl I could hear my friend talking to the other one. Was he trying to get laid or just making conversation? After a few minutes it got quiet…real quiet…so I knew he finally shut up and got to work. We all heard a “slap, slap, slap” as he pounded away for about 30 seconds, then it got quiet again. The whole room must have been biting their lips so they didn’t laugh, because all of a sudden my friend says “Holy shit, that’s like nailing a warm bowl of soup”. The whole room burst into laughter, including the girl I was with.