Quick story about this chick I hooked up with a couple years ago. After my buddy Captain Chaos introduced the two of us, I unfortunately hooked up with her on a few occasions, usually after drinking about a case of beer, because I really needed it with this chick. Not only was she ugly as hell, but her voice was so annoying it was like Fran Drescher with a sinus infection. She was the type of girl you have to get in there, get some, and get the hell out as quickly as possible.
One night I was hanging with the Captain, and decided to wander across the street to this girls place. I banged on her door at about 2am until she answered in her nightie with no panties, she let me in, and then I followed her into her bedroom. She stopped by the foot of her bed and started to say something, but I just gave her a gentle push onto the bed. Her legs were hanging off the bed and in the heat of the moment I dove my face right in. After about half a second and half a lick I thought I was going to vomit. This was the worst smell I have ever smelled. I stood up, said “that’s all folks” and walked out the door, back to Captain Chaos’ place.
He asked me what the hell happened and I told him I forgot to do the sniff test. When he asked me how bad the smell was, I just replied “have you ever smelled lindberger cheese?” and then puked on his lawn.
On that day I made a vow: No matter how drunk I am, no matter what a girl looks like, I WILL NEVER, EVER, GO DOWN ON ANOTHER GIRL WITHOUT PERFORMING THE SNIFF TEST FIRST.