I’ve been absent for a bit due to a heavy workload, however this past weekend warrants a post so I made some time.
Background: I met this girl a few weeks ago and we hit it off pretty well. I was loaded and never even exchanged numbers with her or anything. She was a friend of a friend, and my friend called me a couple days later to get my thoughts on the girl. I was interested but figured I probably wouldn’t see her again for a year, so why pursue it. When my friend called it was to let me know the girl was asking if I was going to be at a get-together they were having at a local bar. “Well I am now” I said, and I went this past Friday.
I got to the bar and had one beer, then decided I needed a little pick me up so I switched to vodka and Red Bull. Fast-forward about 6 hours and 800 vodka/Red Bulls later. All I remember is being my usual obnoxious self, then deciding it was time to go home. It was still far from closing time but I could barely stand up straight. I don’t remember leaving the bar, apparently never tipped out the bartenders (although they did have my card number and ran it for $150 so hopefully some of that was a tip), and the next thing I know it’s 8:00 in the morning and I’m waking up on a friend’s couch buck naked. Note: It was a good thing I didn’t try to drive to my own house because I either would have got in an accident or went to jail, and luckily for me my friend lived about a mile away from the bar. When I woke up I looked around the room, wondering why it’s spinning like a tilt-a-whirl at the county fair. I throw on my boxers and head to the bathroom to throw up, then catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and notice something didn’t look quite right. After spewing a few pints of orange bile in the toilet I splash some cold water on my face and take a closer look in the mirror. Black eye. I touched below my eye and it hurt like a motherfucker. Did I get in a fight? Nah, I probably would have been beat up much worse in the condition I was in. What the hell happened?
I went into my friends room and she was nowhere to be found. This is odd, it’s 8am on a Saturday and she’s gone? I couldn’t find my keys anywhere so I just laid back down on the couch and went back to sleep. About 45 minutes later she came in the front door and I asked what the hell happened. She asked “what do you mean” like I was speaking broken Portuguese or something. “My eye, what’s up with my eye? And where are you coming from?”
As she filled me in the details started to come back to me a little bit. Evidently she had driven 45 minutes to my house to let my dog out, then 45 minutes back. She said my eye got hit by her dog the previous night when I was playing rough with it. Sounds fishy to me…I think she probably popped me one for some dumb comment. Whatever the case, I’ve definitely got a battle wound from something. I was still drunk when I woke up and for whatever reason decided to make a little video diary of myself. Perhaps I’ll post it on here one of these days, because it’s frickin’ hilarious.
So what happened to the girl at the bar you wonder? I wish I knew. I’m sure I pissed her off somehow but don’t remember the details. I sent text messages to her and her friend yesterday and neither one responded. Looks like Dumbass Jake strikes again!