Saturday, January 21, 2017

Introducing Angie

OK kids, buckle up because the posts are finally about to start back up. What better way to kick things off than to introduce readers to "Angie" (not her real name of course), a fat chick that I made the mistake of dating for a little while. What the fuck was I thinking? That's a whole different story, which I'll get into later down the road. Later as in, right fucking now!

Fat Angie leaking cellulite onto the couch

Angie was a school teacher I met in a town called Milton, while I was living in the area for the summer. I met her on one of those online "dating" (i.e. hookup) sites, PlentyOfFish. Her profile photo? A great looking photo, which was apparently taken a couple decades ago because let me tell you, it didn't look like her. I hate false fucking advertising.

I was living with a chick for the summer and she knew I was going out on a blind date. She (let's call her Cindy) loved hearing about my evening exploits, so naturally I kept her in the loop.

Our first date was bowling. It was love at first waddle. When I saw her using all of her energy just to waddle across the parking lot, I knew she was the one for me. I could tell by the look on her face that she was one of those chicks that would put anything in her mouth, given the chance. She was about to get it. The date itself was boring as shit, so I'll spare you those details. After it was done, she sensed my willingness to fuck anything that moves so of course she set up date #2 at her house the following day.

I got home and told Cindy about the chick...fat, easy, etc. She laughed and said something to the effect of "well better luck with the next one". Little did she know I was meeting "this one" again the following her house. Allow me to digress for a moment here for all you rookies out there. When a fat chick invites someone they barely know to their own house for a second "date", there's only one thing that's going to happen before the night is through. You see, they want to be on their home turf so they feel comfortable because out in public, they're often uncomfortable in their own skin. Maybe because there's so much of it, who knows, but a fat chick's "home court advantage" is actually an advantage for the guy sick enough to fuck 'em.

The next day I was off for date #2 and Cindy gave me some words of encouragement...I think something like "there's no shame in leaving early if your scuba breathing tube gets blocked by a fat roll" but can't be sure. I arrived at her house where she had kindly pawned her kid off on a friend for the night. Just more reassurance that shit was going down that night. And go down it did. Within about an hour she had me in her bedroom, in her bed, and did what any respectable woman would do...not be selfish. She blew me and immediately after "my moment", my first thought was "oh fuck, now she's gonna want to hang out again". I got out of there without even fucking her (or doing anything), but the caveat was that I was going back for more the following day.

I told Cindy about my exploits when I got home. She knew by the look on my face as soon as I walked through the door, so I just blurted it out: "I did something stupid...I let her blow me and now I have to go back tomorrow". She laughed and said "well just don't go", but I'm a sucker for sexually promiscuous fat chicks in case you haven't noticed by now.

You see, when bank robbers get greedy, they rob the bank again, and eventually get caught in a bad situation. I decided to "rob the bank" the following day. I went back to her house because I didn't want her to know where I was staying, and ended up fucking her that night. When I returned home that night, Cindy just laughed again as I walked through the door and said "fuck, I did it again".

I ended up "dating" this chick Angie for a while, and there are a TON of stories about her that will show up here. Sometimes a person with that perfect combination of cellulite, desperation, and stupidity are just gold for a blogger like me.

Until next time...keep it in your pants, or keep it warm in a fat chick!

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